The Jolly Locals edition

You know when you are on to a winner when the sign

on the wall in the bar reads:

Men: no shoes, no shirt, no service

Women: no shoes, no shirt, free drinks

Actually, I just made that up but it is funny if you

are under twenty five, male and slighlty intellectually


…..or just so awash with testosterone you can’t

think straight !

To everyone else I make no apologies since the G-man

does what he wants

Anyway, he recently pitched up in a real locals hang out…..

…..Italian style

‘Osteria Ca’ Cornaro’

This is where old men are dispatched by their long-

suffering wives to spare them from being driven crazy

by the silly old sods !

So they end up playing cards…..

…..drinking very cheap but decent wine

…..and talking the language they are all completely

fluent in…..

…..Bollocks ! ! ! ! !

These are the men that in their minds can still sock to

any lady that is still breathing…..

…..but in reality can’t even spell viagra let alone

remember but to do with an erection should it arrive !

Bless them !

I love the fact that most of them get dressed up and properly

primped to go to the bar to hang about with a bunch of old…

…..well, farts to out it bluntly

Actually, it doesn’t matter

They are all lovely and they binge in talking the talk and

revel in telling the lies they tell

And there is laughter, lots of laugh out loud laughter

On the day ‘Ca’ Cornaro’ was buzzing…..

A huge party had formed outside in the courtyard seating area

These were not the old men but a much younger crowd

They kept coming in and ordering beers and litres of wine

And plates and plates of tagliere (salami, cheese and bread)

It was a Friday so I assumed it had been payday and they were

celebrating another month in fruitful employ

There were tattoos a plenty…..

…..and black was back…..

…..Either they were a biker gang or they were dressed alla

Tom Ford…..’you can have any colour you like as long as it’s


…..Hmmmm…..that might have been Henry Ford

As the afternoon wore on the drinking and eating progressed to

dancing and singing

This was one hell of a pay day !

Perhaps it was bonus day ?

The G-meister looked on fascinated, entertained and amused

until it was time to get the bill (il conto) and make tracks

While waiting for the reckoning G decided to engage the old

biffer in a bit of banter…..

‘The Italians really know how to party,’ he ventured


‘The party in the courtyard. They know how to have fun’

‘You mean the group in the garden?’

‘Yes. Is it someone’s birthday or has someone won the lottery?’

The woman suddenly looked very serious and leant her head

towards the G-man

In a whisper she said, ‘It’s a wake. You know, the party after

a funeral.’

Ughhhhhhhhhh !

Taxi ! Scotty ! Beam me up !

So the moral to this story is if you are going to pop your clogs

then best to do it where they throw you a good party afterwards

Better still….

…..don’t pop your clogs !



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