The Sexual Dilemma edition

With love, honour and respect to…..

‘Lola’, 1970, The Kinks

The G-ster was getting his groove on amongst some

mighty fine and mostly religious art

He had worked his way up through the galleries in

the Palazzo Chiericati in Vicenza, Italy and appeared

to have come to the end

Standing on the loggia one staircase ran downstairs to

the entrance and a smaller one ran upstairs to the attic

floor where the old staff quarters used to be

Unsure which way to go the little grey cells started

to whirl

But no need !

The member of the security staff that had been keeping

a casually beady eye on the G-man stepped forward to offer


She was a big girl

Long brown hair with a side parting…..all a bit 60s

Heavy eye makeup…..very 60s

Black jacket and black tights, more 21st century


But here’s the thing…..

She had a Kim Kardashian ass ! ! ! ! !

Now I’m no fan of KK and I’m not big on oversized asses

But here’s the other thing….

I believe in the inviolability of your personal space and

this gal had just invaded mine

Toe to toe

Practically nose to nose

Then ‘in a dark brown voice’ she said the exhibition

continued up the small staircase…..LOLA !

Holy Mother of God !

Dazzled by the blue eye shadow the G-man looked down…..

…..and then it just got a whole lot worse

This security guard had a bulge that would have put

Rudolf Nureyev to shame

This gigantic protuberance looked like a medieval codpiece…..

…..without the armour and other supporting kit

I am talking packing here !

Of course she could have just been pleased to see me…..

It’s possible that this woman had the world’s largest

example of female genitalia…..

And it’s equally possible this was a well hung dude that

wants to be a doll and was still saving up for the chop !

LOLA ! ! ! ! !

‘Perfetto. Grazie. Molto gentile’ (perfect. Thanks. Very kind)

At which point G side-stepped the security and beat a path

up to the next floor

‘Boys will be girls and girls will be boys’

LOLA ! ! ! ! !

‘It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world’

LOLA ! ! ! ! !

Sadly the top floor served more art and art books when

what really needed serving was a beer

That problem was resolved a matter of only a few minutes



PS It’s a good job G doesn’t dream much !


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