The Exploding Italian Myth edition

Well, what are myths for if not exploding ?

In the meantime let’s put the lie to some other myths…..

Myth No. 1

The Americans are super-efficient

Wrong !

Certainly they are super-efficient at exterminating themselves

But any society that permits any old Joe to buy an assault

rifle is bound to run into a hail of gunfire sooner or later…..

Look, there are a third of a billion of them…..

… only takes a tiny percentage of them to be less than

gruntled and…..

…..of course one could reduce the risk by not going to





Or alternatively just stop selling ‘weapons of localised mass

destruction’ to anyone clutching enough green backs

Myth No. 2

The British are efficient

Wrong ! !

The G-man had need of some liquid sustenance recently whilst

up in town (London)

He slipped into Walkers of Whitehall near Trafalgar Square (basically this is one-up from

a pub)

This place is fresh, vibrant and features a robata grill…..

Well, that’s what the website says…………NICE

As he walked up the steps through the front door he was greeted

by a, well, a greeter I suppose

Schwing…..that was a good start

The babe wanted to know whether we were eating or drinking

‘Drinking’, I replied, ‘and you have just slowed me down’

The greeter-babe obligingly pointed out the bar to the G-ster

Three paces later and I was there

‘A pint of Greene King Abbot Ale, please’ I asked the beaming

bar steward

The beaming bar steward turned to another bar steward and passed

my order on

The second bar steward proceeded to draw me a beer

Meanwhile, a third bar steward approached and said that will be

£4, please

I passed over a tenner

Curiously, the third bar steward handed the tenner to a fourth

bar steward who rang up my sale in the till and brought me my


Not bad going…..

One pint of bitter served, five people involved in the process

Efficient or what ? ? ? ? ?

I did ask how many people would be required if I were to order

a poached egg on toast

Really, I did

All four of the bar stewards just looked at me as though I was

speaking Martian !

Now for the Italians……………….

Myth No. 3

Rumoured to be inefficient

Hold your breath…..

When the G-man bought Casa Groover in Bassangeles in 2002 it

had no kitchen

Anyway, I found an obliging Italian who when I agreed to part

with seventeen thousand euros said he would stick a kitchen in

Said kitchen had to be made to order and so I said let’s fix

a date and I will come back for the fitting ceremony

We fixed a date about three months hence


When I told a colleague at work I was taking a long weekend in

three months time to go to Bassangelese for the installation they

looked at me like I had grown another head

Unfortunately, I had bought the plane ticket and hired a car so

I was committed to going

Anyway, at 8.03am on the said fixed date my buzzer went

I answered it and shouted…..

‘You’re late, you told me three months ago you would be here

at 8.00am’

Fortunately, he got the G-humour and laughed

A team of men humped all the equipment, marble work surfaces

and electrical appliances up the stairs and started work

At 7pm the Italian announced they had finished but he was going

to come back in the morning and change one thing he was not

quite happy with…..

‘It’s not beautiful’ he kept repeating over and over

It looked bloody marvellous to me

So the Italians are efficient…..

… long as they work in the private sector


Now the public sector would be a different story altogether



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