The Olive Oil edition

Olive oil has been around for a long time and by

a long time, I mean exactly that…..

…..over 8000 years !

The Mediterranean countries have cornered the market

in said product…..

…..and Italy is the second biggest producer in the

whole world

Olive oil and Italians are inextricably interlinked

…..and to say that olive oil is an Italian obsession

would be to understate the reality

Of course, it could have something to do with the

various grades of oil that so excites Italian passions

As you know the word ‘virgin’ features rather a lot…..

…..and the Italians revere the Virgin as both protector

and principal intercessor…..

… other words…..

Protection from enemies, blight and natural disasters while

shuffling around on the mortal coil


A rapid transition to heaven when you have dropped off it ! !

But the word virgin is guaranteed to make the Italian male’s

pulse quicken for more prosaic reasons

For example, when his sister or his daughter returns home from

an evening out, she had better still be one !

On the other hand, if he is the one stepping out with said

sister or daughter he will do his utmost to relieve her of it ! !

Thus making oils with ‘virgin’ in the name is like flicking

the porn channel on and off in terms of stimulating the Italian


Anyway, we have the following grades…..

‘Extra Virgin’


‘Ordinary Virgin’

‘Lampante Virgin’

and finally ‘Refined Olive Oil’

Of course, everyone wants to be ‘Extra Virgin’ but some of

us have to simply settle for being ‘Refined’

Life is a bitch

The bottled product as opposed to the real thing (virgin)

is used for just about everything

Italians cook with it

Italians make dressing out of it

Italians add it neat to almost anything served on a plate

Oh, and when nature lets them down it can come in handy

in the bedchamber !

Don’t worry, there is no danger of the G-man stepping into

T.M.I. territory, you will have to figure the last bit out

for yourself

It’s worth noting that the average Italian doesn’t keep a

small bottle of olive oil in the bedside cabinet or the

glove compartment of the car for that matter…..

NO !

It would be a bit weird

The usual carnal aid is vaseline

Now the English and the Americans use this to counter

chapped lips in the winter months…..

…..the Italians have an entirely different use for it

And a little tin of vaseline in your handbag will raise

some very curious eyebrows…..

Of course, it would be even odder to carry a tiny flask of

olive oil around even if it is that very special liquid

produced by hand picking the olives in order to avoid

bruising them as they fall from the tree to the ground

But said olive oil is the king of olive oil…..

…..and if you ever get the chance to get your hands on

a bottle of this bad boy…..

You will have won the ‘Virgin’ lottery without ever

having risked the ire of a protective male member of the

family ! ! ! ! !

Tanti auguri (Season’s greetings)



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