Olive oil has been around for a long time and by
a long time, I mean exactly that…..
…..over 8000 years !
The Mediterranean countries have cornered the market
in said product…..
…..and Italy is the second biggest producer in the
Olive oil and Italians are inextricably interlinked
…..and to say that olive oil is an Italian obsession
would be to understate the reality
Of course, it could have something to do with the
various grades of oil that so excites Italian passions
As you know the word ‘virgin’ features rather a lot…..
…..and the Italians revere the Virgin as both protector
and principal intercessor…..
…..in other words…..
Protection from enemies, blight and natural disasters while
shuffling around on the mortal coil
A rapid transition to heaven when you have dropped off it ! !
But the word virgin is guaranteed to make the Italian male’s
pulse quicken for more prosaic reasons
For example, when his sister or his daughter returns home from
an evening out, she had better still be one !
On the other hand, if he is the one stepping out with said
sister or daughter he will do his utmost to relieve her of it ! !
Thus making oils with ‘virgin’ in the name is like flicking
the porn channel on and off in terms of stimulating the Italian
Anyway, we have the following grades…..
and finally ‘Refined Olive Oil’
Of course, everyone wants to be ‘Extra Virgin’ but some of
us have to simply settle for being ‘Refined’
Life is a bitch
The bottled product as opposed to the real thing (virgin)
is used for just about everything
Italians cook with it
Italians make dressing out of it
Italians add it neat to almost anything served on a plate
Oh, and when nature lets them down it can come in handy
in the bedchamber !
Don’t worry, there is no danger of the G-man stepping into
T.M.I. territory, you will have to figure the last bit out
It’s worth noting that the average Italian doesn’t keep a
small bottle of olive oil in the bedside cabinet or the
glove compartment of the car for that matter…..
It would be a bit weird
The usual carnal aid is vaseline
Now the English and the Americans use this to counter
chapped lips in the winter months…..
…..the Italians have an entirely different use for it
And a little tin of vaseline in your handbag will raise
some very curious eyebrows…..
Of course, it would be even odder to carry a tiny flask of
olive oil around even if it is that very special liquid
produced by hand picking the olives in order to avoid
bruising them as they fall from the tree to the ground
But said olive oil is the king of olive oil…..
…..and if you ever get the chance to get your hands on
a bottle of this bad boy…..
You will have won the ‘Virgin’ lottery without ever
having risked the ire of a protective male member of the
family ! ! ! ! !
Tanti auguri (Season’s greetings)