The Sex & The Italian Woman edition

I suppose this post echoes that well known saying…..

…..’Those that can do and those that can’t teach’

Loosely speaking !

So let’s begin right at the top and work down…..

…..step up

…..Monica Bellucci

SCHWING

SCHWING-A-LING

SCHWING-DING

Thank you, ‘Wayne’s World’, 1992

What was Vincent Cassel thinking went he let this babe go in 2013

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Errr…..Branleur of the first order

If you could give SEX a physical description you could use

Monica B as shorthand ! ! ! ! !

So from the sublime to the real world (sorry, Wayne)

Some Italians shimmy from the white (challenge !) wedding

to the…..

…..white marriage !

…..known in Italian as the ‘matrimonio bianco’

…..or simply a marriage without sex (unioni senza sesso)

Easy tiger…..

…..no one is watching your reaction while you read this

It would seem that there exists an element within Italian

womankind that believes that SEX…..

…..is only for procreation in marriage

…..and just for recreation before

Surely the Scandinavians have it the right way round ? ! ? ! ?

They often have their progeny before marriage (say, the first

10 years)

…..then marry

…..then spend the next 40 years trying to win olympic medals for…..

…..ROGERING ! ! ! ! !

The Italians have it arse about face (not a pretty thought if

taken literally)

…..Take, for example, the family planning device known as

‘Personal’

This little hand-held computer device will tell the woman the

safe days to have sex…..

…..GREEN !

and warn the user to avoid sex on the non-safe days…..

…..RED !

Oh, and there is also YELLOW which is a bit like ‘lucky dip’…..

…..you might and you might not end up in the club

‘SIMPLES’, Jay, ‘The Inbetweeners’, 2008-2010

BUT Italian (married) women use it to predict those days

when they should encourage the old man to saddle up in

order to procreate…..

…..on other days an unexplainable migraine intervenes

Little wonder many Italian men have a reputation for

philandering…..

…..if the old girl indoors has closed up shop…..

…..there’s plenty more fish in the sea for the sharp fisherman

However, there is a ruse often deployed to avoid this not infrequent

and inconvenient truth…..

…..Said wives feed said spouses with untold quantities of pasta and

other assorted culinary goodies while assuring ‘her master’ (sic) that

his expanding girth spells out his importance and success on the

world’s stage…..(never mind that he may only be a maths teacher !)

…..never mind that he hasn’t seen his penis for a decade ! ! ! ! !

I should also add that I have outlined the two extremes…..

…..and that there are many shades in between…..

…..I should also remind you that Monica B is single and on the

prowl

GOOD LUCK (sorry, I believe Bond has beaten you to it)

G

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