The Love In A Catholic Climate edition 2

I noticed that another of the king-size condom

vending machines in Bassangeles has the following

item……………………………..

…..a pregnancy testing kit ! ! !

This is unlikely to instil much confidence in the user…..

…..or should I say wearer of said items…..

…..or much confidence in the quality of British-made goods

…..DUREX !

Anyway, the G-man has learnt that the Italians are truly

conflicted as regards ‘relations’ with the opposite sex…..

The Catholic Church teaches them that SEX is sin…..

…..even in marriage ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

So all the bits and bobs that surround said sin are worse,

shall we say, SIN PLUS ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

…..like condoms

…..like IVF

…..like morning-after pills

…..Somehow, in order to be a catholic free from SIN…..

…..you are supposed to have a family without SEX !

…..YES, you guessed it…..

…..the human race is supposed to be perpetuated by……

…..mass IMMACULATE CONCEPTIONS ! ! ! ! !

So in order to minimise the degree of sin one takes on a

great many Italians eschew condoms altogether…..

…..some go with the ‘safe periods’ during the month…..

…..most opt for…………………….

…..RETROMARCIA ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

It looks a bit like ‘back walking’

I suppose from a strictly catholic point of view…..

…..it represents the lesser of many evils

….it actually means ‘REVERSE GEAR’ ! ! ! ! !

Hopefully, you can figure this one out…..

…..because I am not going to explain it !

So, it begs the question…..

What does one say if it all goes wrong ? ? ?

Well, the G-man would probably say ‘Bollox’

But, the Italians…..?

….Err…..

‘Sorry, my clutch is broken !’

‘Damn, I couldn’t find reverse !’

‘Shit, I put it in second by mistake’

or perhaps just a simple………..

…..OOPS !

As we all know the best form of birth control is to abstain

…..but being caught by your partner ‘in flagrante’ with oneself

…..is the height of uncool ! ! ! ! !

But love / sex does make us (well, the Italians at least) do

crazy things………

When the G-ster went for his constitutional pant this evening

he witnessed chaos on a two-lane road…..

…..a white van had stopped in his lane and jammed on his

hazards………….

…..the traffic on his side of the road was brought to a complete

STOP…..

…..WHY ?…..

…..apart from the fact it was rush hour

…..because on the other side of the road was a gelateria (ice cream

shop)

Said driver then ran across the road clutching a cone, got in the van

and drove away

…..WHY ?…..

…..addicted to ice cream ? (it was cold, raining and very autumnal)

Unlikely…..

…..he almost certainly has a crush on the signorina that works there

…..and that is exactly what an Italian will do to impress

BLESS HIM…..

……the drivers that were stuck behind him would understand…..

…..Well, the male variety would !

G

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