If this intriguing title didn’t grab your attention
…..then not much will
The G-man and the G-mobile cruised down to Italy today
England, France, Belgium, Germany, Austria and finally
La Dolce Vita
Not bad for a days work…..
…..1000 tidy miles
Anyway, weary and hungry and in need of a break the G-ster
was assailed by an enormous sign in Austria
‘WIPPTALERHOF 2000 METRES’
Followed by more signs every two or three hundred metres
with variations on the same theme and gradually diminishing in
They were keen to get my business, and just about everybody
I fell for it and hove over
Check it out…..
Cool, n’est pas ?
So with 800 miles under my belt and a very empty
stomach the G-man ordered two main courses and a pint
of frothing German brau
The ageing waitress, fully attired in traditional costume,
looked at me with very sad eyes
‘What ?’ I squeezed out, ‘I’m bloody starving’
Looking round the room I immediately understood her concern
I weigh in at closer to 15 stones than 25, which was probably
the average weight of the average fully grown male in the room
‘Please bring me the food and make that two pints of frothing
brau, one to wash down each dish ! !’
I think she was beginning to warm to me
QUESTION ? ? ?
Why do Austrian / German women (same thing) grow up from
attractive young women into looking like they are alcoholic
shot putters ? ! ?
I am not going to go into too many graphic details but they are
built like second row forwards and they have larger wrinkles
than a walrus
A bit like the men really
The sexes converge in appearance with the years
Not a pretty thought
Back to the food…..Goulash and German sausages with sauerkraut
Excellent ! Double excellent actually ! !
Everything served with boiled potatoes
Now the sausages came with what looked like grated cheese but
which turned out to be grated horseradish
To say it had a kick would be an understatement
I tried a mouthful on its own
I was panting like a vicar watching ten year old schoolboys
in the shower
KICK ! !
The shock was a bit like having a prostate check when nobody
had told you it was about to happen to you
I had arrived at 7.05pm and the place was heaving and very noisy
By 7.55pm there was just me, my panting, and one other couple left
They happened to be of the racially mixed variety
Alright, why beat around the bush ?….
…..he was a bald, fat German that kept his coat on to eat dinner
…..she was a stunning mail order Asian bride that texted the
…..In fact, I would have a reasonable bet she will still be texting
when old fatso goes about his business when they get home !
I have to admit though that I loved this spot
It is another world and a great place to be a fly on the wall while
you fill your face
Now the good news
The G-man and his girl are safely back in La Dolce Vita