The Wipptalerhof edition

If this intriguing title didn’t grab your attention

…..then not much will

The G-man and the G-mobile cruised down to Italy today

England, France, Belgium, Germany, Austria and finally

La Dolce Vita

Not bad for a days work…..

…..1000 tidy miles

Anyway, weary and hungry and in need of a break the G-ster

was assailed by an enormous sign in Austria


Followed by more signs every two or three hundred metres

with variations on the same theme and gradually diminishing in


They were keen to get my business, and just about everybody


I fell for it and hove over

Check it out…..

Cool, n’est pas ?

So with 800 miles under my belt and a very empty

stomach the G-man ordered two main courses and a pint

of frothing German brau

The ageing waitress, fully attired in traditional costume,

looked at me with very sad eyes

‘What ?’ I squeezed out, ‘I’m bloody starving’

Looking round the room I immediately understood her concern

I weigh in at closer to 15 stones than 25, which was probably

the average weight of the average fully grown male in the room

‘Please bring me the food and make that two pints of frothing

brau, one to wash down each dish ! !’

I think she was beginning to warm to me


Why do Austrian / German women (same thing) grow up from

attractive young women into looking like they are alcoholic

shot putters ? ! ?

I am not going to go into too many graphic details but they are

built like second row forwards and they have larger wrinkles

than a walrus


A bit like the men really

The sexes converge in appearance with the years

Not a pretty thought

Back to the food…..Goulash and German sausages with sauerkraut

Excellent ! Double excellent actually ! !

Everything served with boiled potatoes

Now the sausages came with what looked like grated cheese but

which turned out to be grated horseradish

To say it had a kick would be an understatement

I tried a mouthful on its own


I was panting like a vicar watching ten year old schoolboys

in the shower

KICK ! !

The shock was a bit like having a prostate check when nobody

had told you it was about to happen to you

I had arrived at 7.05pm and the place was heaving and very noisy

By 7.55pm there was just me, my panting, and one other couple left

They happened to be of the racially mixed variety

Alright, why beat around the bush ?….

…..he was a bald, fat German that kept his coat on to eat dinner

…..she was a stunning mail order Asian bride that texted the

entire time…..

…..In fact, I would have a reasonable bet she will still be texting

when old fatso goes about his business when they get home !

I have to admit though that I loved this spot

It is another world and a great place to be a fly on the wall while

you fill your face

Now the good news

The G-man and his girl are safely back in La Dolce Vita




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