The Anus Horribilis edition

groovers offside

I may as well come straight to the point….

…..it’s not a typo

…..it’s just the G-man having fun

However, for one reason or another this has been a bum year

Remember, ‘Bottom’ from 1991 ?

Well, RIP Rik Mayall

On a more mundane level I landed in La Dolce Vita yesterday

to be greeted by piles of gleaming white snow in Venice…..

Well, it is December I hear you think…..

WELL, IT IS ALSO BLOODY VENICE  ! ! ! ! !

Have you ever seen a gondolieri singing ‘O Sole Mio’…..

…..wearing a parka

NO !

Because this is bloody Venice !

As you can probably guess I am annoyed about something

…..and it’s not (my) horrible hole

No, at 9am this morning the G-man shimmied round to his

favourite watering hole for his constitutional cappuccino and

brioche…..

…..NO !

It can’t be…..

It’s not possible…..

But it was…

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The Anus Horribilis edition

I may as well come straight to the point….

…..it’s not a typo

…..it’s just the G-man having fun

However, for one reason or another this has been a bum year

Remember, ‘Bottom’ from 1991 ?

Well, RIP Rik Mayall

On a more mundane level I landed in La Dolce Vita yesterday

to be greeted by piles of gleaming white snow in Venice…..

Well, it is December I hear you think…..

WELL, IT IS ALSO BLOODY VENICE  ! ! ! ! !

Have you ever seen a gondolieri singing ‘O Sole Mio’…..

…..wearing a parka

NO !

Because this is bloody Venice !

As you can probably guess I am annoyed about something

…..and it’s not (my) horrible hole

No, at 9am this morning the G-man shimmied round to his

favourite watering hole for his constitutional cappuccino and

brioche…..

…..NO !

It can’t be…..

It’s not possible…..

But it was true

Golosita had closed down

This is like going back to your old school and finding out a

developer has turned it into flats

Now there are a lot of coffee shops in La Citta Groover but

this spot was the best

Unusually, it wasn’t the serving girls that made this place great

Although it did have it’s fair share of the young and nubile

waitresses and of the mature MILF-maids

No, the owner of this fine establishment was Italy’s champion

cake maker

This fellow baked the cake for the Miss Italia contest ! ! ! ! !

This man was literally ‘King Cake’

The shop is now locked and padlocked and a sign in the window

reads…..

‘AFFITTASI’

‘TO RENT’ in English

Now George Benson sang ‘Everything must change’ way back in

1977 but there are some things that would make the world a better

place if they persisted

GOLOSITA is one such shining example

RIP

The English translation of Golosita is something like ‘goodies’

Anyway, it’s gone…..

…..the Groover is in bits and the three new cafes

that have opened up across the square are scant consolation

Inconsolably yours

G.

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The Windy edition

groovers offside

A contender for the un-coolest pop group in the history

of the world would have to be…..

…..The Asscociation…..

You don’t believe me ?

Then ‘youtube’ them singing…..

…..’Windy’ from 1967

I know the 60s are referred to as the ‘swinging 60s’ but

these cats didn’t have swing or much else for that matter !

Back to the plot…..

Why ?

WHY ? ? ?

When the G-man hits the roads for his daily pant does

the wind blow directly into his face…..

BOTH ways

I’m not kidding !

It’s like some kooky Newton’s fourth law of motion

It’s like being trailed by a gale

Except it comes at you rather than follows you

During freshers week at uni the G-man met an

Indian boy (we were teenagers) who announced he

went by the name of…..

Jazzwinder !

Well, that’s what it sounded like !

Actually, it turned out to be…..

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The Windy edition

A contender for the un-coolest pop group in the history

of the world would have to be…..

…..The Asscociation…..

You don’t believe me ?

Then ‘youtube’ them singing…..

…..’Windy’ from 1967

I know the 60s are referred to as the ‘swinging 60s’ but

these cats didn’t have swing or much else for that matter !

Back to the plot…..

Why ?

WHY ? ? ?

When the G-man hits the roads for his daily pant does

the wind blow directly into his face…..

BOTH ways

I’m not kidding !

It’s like some kooky Newton’s fourth law of motion

It’s like being trailed by a gale

Except it comes at you rather than follows you

During freshers week at uni the G-man met an

Indian boy (we were teenagers) who announced he

went by the name of…..

Jazzwinder !

Well, that’s what it sounded like !

Actually, it turned out to be…..

Jasvinder

Mistake No 1    ! ! ! !

It seemed like a bit of a mouthful so I suggested

shortening it a bit…..

Ah, he replied

‘I don’t mind you calling me ‘Jazz’ but I would object

to being called’…..

‘Windy’ !

Mistake No 2   ! ! ! !

Precious is as precious does

The Groover christened him ‘Windy’ on the spot !

Not surprisingly our embryonic friendship didn’t

make it past freshers week

But that is what that first week is all about…..

…..weeding out the dopes from the real deals

For my own part I joined quite a few clubs…..

Athletics Club

Photography Club

CAMRA (beer club)

Squash Club

Chemistry Club

An eclectic mix I sense you thinking ? ? ?

‘Not really’, I can answer unhesitatingly

Let me explain…..

Athletics Club = fit birds in tight shorts and tops

Photography Club = fit birds without tight shorts

and tops in ‘life’ photo sessions

CAMRA (beer club) = A relationship that still burns

brightly after all these years

Squash Club = a boo-boo on the G-man’s part

Chemistry Club = The legendary Christmas party that

never runs out of beer and was free

So there you have it…..

…..A clubber before the expression was even invented

Anyway, you can’t get away from the fact that beer

provides the imbiber with in-built jet propulsion…..

…..and that would have been useful today to counter

the prevailing headwinds…..

There you have it…..

…..a bone-fide reason for being a card-carrying CAMRA

member…..

…..and if you like to cook…..

…..you will come complete with your own Dutch oven

Not much of a CV booster…..

…..but you never know…..

…..your new squeeze could be Australian !

(apparently they like that kind of thing)

G.

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The Rings of Fire edition

groovers offside

Let’s start this edition where the trouble began

Chilli Cool

The G-man spied a large-ish group of orientals standing

outside a restaurant in Bloomsbury on a cold December night

Hmm

The following exchange ensued…..

‘Are you waiting for a table ?

‘Yes’

‘Is the food any good ?’

‘YES !’

Well, I’m easily convinced, so that was it

The G-man shot through the door, booked a table (20 minute wait)

Then shot back outside

The hungry and excited throng of Chinese students were still there

…..trying to keep warm

This was not a cool option…..

…..or rather it was exactly that…..

So it was straight over the road to the Norfolk Arms and a pint of

ale from the…..

Purity Brewing Company

Specifically a pint of……………….UBU

Curious ?

I was

The ale is named after the brewer’s dog and the acronym is short

for………’Utterly Bloody Useless’

Sound familiar ?

Thought…

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The Rings of Fire edition

Let’s start this edition where the trouble began

Chilli Cool

The G-man spied a large-ish group of orientals standing

outside a restaurant in Bloomsbury on a cold December night

Hmm

The following exchange ensued…..

‘Are you waiting for a table ?

‘Yes’

‘Is the food any good ?’

‘YES !’

Well, I’m easily convinced, so that was it

The G-man shot through the door, booked a table (20 minute wait)

Then shot back outside

The hungry and excited throng of Chinese students were still there

…..trying to keep warm

This was not a cool option…..

…..or rather it was exactly that…..

So it was straight over the road to the Norfolk Arms and a pint of

ale from the…..

Purity Brewing Company

Specifically a pint of……………….UBU

Curious ?

I was

The ale is named after the brewer’s dog and the acronym is short

for………’Utterly Bloody Useless’

Sound familiar ?

Thought so

Then it was back into the breach…..

or at least the almost ‘Chinese Only’ confines of the eaterie

This is Sichuan-style food…..

‘Nose to tail eating’

You can eat the lips, ears, intestines, trotters…..

…..every body part of an animal is served up

Hmm

‘Crispy fried pig intestines’ ? ? ? ? ?

Errr, no thanks

I don’t think I have ever studied a menu so assiduously…..

…..there was no margin for error !

Sluuurrrp

The noise levels were high

Sluuurrrp

Easy to think an alien had whisked you up and deposited

you in downtown Shanghai

Sluuurrrp

This was authentic with a capital

A

This was fantastic with a capital

F

This was quite simply marvellous with a capital

M

MMMmmmmmmmmmm

Oh, and it is seriously hot

Swimming in chopped red chillies

‘Daddy cool’, Boney M, 1976…..

…..I was not ! ! ! ! !

My arris has asked for a divorce ! ! ! (google it)

Go there, if you dare

‘Who dares, burns’ (look it up)

On a lighter, seasonal note…..

At this time of year the beggars are out in force trying

to tap into the Christmas spirit…..

…..some beggar’s signs are quite enterprising or funny

1st prize goes to

‘My family were murdered by ninjas..

I need money for kung fu lessons’

2nd prize goes to

‘Why lie..

I need a beer’

Bless them

G.

 

 

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The Culture Vulture edition

groovers offside

They say that good things come in little packages

Agreed !

The G-man has stepped out and into the Christmas cheer

First up…..

Puccini’s La Boheme at the ENO…..

Well, Puccini could be sung in a shed and it would still

sound great

But this was great as great can be…..

The American opera star with a name like a porn star…..

…..Angel Blue ! ! ! ! !

It’s actually her real name…..

…..and at nearly 6 feet tall her frame is as big as her

voice

Angel who plays Mimi used to be a serial American beauty

queen

So there you have it…..

…..an alluring mix of beauty, the statuesque, talent and

the exotic

So we are agreed she is big but what about the small packages

Step forward the…..

…..Herne Bay Little Theatre

http://www.hernebaylittletheatre.com

all 72 seats of her ! ! ! ! !

AmDram heaven !

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