The Colour edition

groovers offside

Martin Luther King, Jn legitimised the term…..

‘Citizens of colour’ way back in 1963

Since then the term has morphed into…..

…..’a person of colour’ as a preferable term to

describe someone who is non-white

HOLD ON A MINUTE !

That would obviously mean that I, me, the G.-man

is technically ‘a person of non-colour’ ! ! ! ! !

I don’t like the way this is going…..

Question: Describe your ethnicity, Sir

Answer: An indigenous European of the non-colour variety

Hmmm…..

I don’t think so

Anyway, I go pink in the sun…..

…..and red at other crucial moments !

There’s actually not much that is white about me

It’s gets even more exciting than that…..

The G.-man has been spotted an odd shade of green

on a boat…..

…..and an even odder shade of grey right before an exam !

GREY !

Speaking of which a solution to our…

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The Colour edition

Martin Luther King, Jn legitimised the term…..

‘Citizens of colour’ way back in 1963

Since then the term has morphed into…..

…..’a person of colour’ as a preferable term to

describe someone who is non-white

HOLD ON A MINUTE !

That would obviously mean that I, me, the G.-man

is technically ‘a person of non-colour’ ! ! ! ! !

I don’t like the way this is going…..

Question: Describe your ethnicity, Sir

Answer: An indigenous European of the non-colour variety

Hmmm…..

I don’t think so

Anyway, I go pink in the sun…..

…..and red at other crucial moments !

There’s actually not much that is white about me

It’s gets even more exciting than that…..

The G.-man has been spotted an odd shade of green

on a boat…..

…..and an even odder shade of grey right before an exam !

GREY !

Speaking of which a solution to our self-inflicted immigration

problem has occurred to me !

Leave our borders open ! ! ! ! !

Open our arms to our fellow mankind ! ! ! ! !

Let them all in ! ! ! ! ! !

ON ONE CONDITION

They are only permitted to live in ‘Greytown’…..

…..otherwise known as Gloucester…..

…..Oh, and they can’t use the NHS or the DHSS for the first

5 years

GENIUS, I hear you say

G.-man-ius, I should correct you

Well, why not ? ? ? ? ?

Nobody else in their right minds would want to live there

It’s as dull as ditchwater…..

…..and at least you can do something with ditchwater…..

…..besides filling ditches

However, Gloucester Cathedral is a rather fine specimen of

the first appearance of perpendicular gothic architecture and

…..ditto fan vaulting

…..and it was used in three Harry Potter films…..

…..so that makes it culturally important

So let’s have a whip round

We’ll move the medieval church to a more fitting location…..

…..stone by stone

Then invite all the freeloaders of the world to move in…..

The terms and conditions of the arrangement can be published online

The referees decision will be final and there will be no appeals

If any of the said freeloaders wants to return from whence they came

The Great British People will transport them to the border

FOR FREE !

JOB DONE !

QED ! ! !

So there you have it…..

…..an elegant solution to a thorny problem…..

…..from which we all emerge smelling of roses

Let’s just call it the CHAFF test (wheat / chaff / sort out)

We don’t need UKIP

We certainly don’t need the TORIES

The world would be a better place without NEW / OLD / NEW LABOUR

And the universe would be improved with the demise of the LIB DEMS

Phew !

That was a pre-election broadcast on behalf of the G-party

Can I count on your vote ?

G.

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The Keep The Faith edition

groovers offside

This is the name of an album by Bon Jovi, 1992

It’s also the motto of the Northern Soul movement…..

…..and on Saturday night the G-man got soul !

Northern Soul ! ! ! …..

…..At the Attic in the Hackney Picturehouse

This is as groovy as it gets

Not sure ?

Then youtube ‘One step at a time’ by Maxine Brown, 1965

Music rarely gets better than this

You liked that ?

Then try ‘Cashing in’ by The Voices of East Harlem, 1973

These are the obscure American soul recordings that spawned

the music and dance movement in late 1960s England now

referred to as Northern Soul

So we have soulful…..

…..but we also have soulless…..

…..A pal of the G-man’s received a 70th birthday invitation

by email from a little man who goes by the name of John Keet

Said friend decided to attend said birthday celebrations and…

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The Keep The Faith edition

This is the name of an album by Bon Jovi, 1992

It’s also the motto of the Northern Soul movement…..

…..and on Saturday night the G-man got soul !

Northern Soul ! ! ! …..

…..At the Attic in the Hackney Picturehouse

This is as groovy as it gets

Not sure ?

Then youtube ‘One step at a time’ by Maxine Brown, 1965

Music rarely gets better than this

You liked that ?

Then try ‘Cashing in’ by The Voices of East Harlem, 1973

These are the obscure American soul recordings that spawned

the music and dance movement in late 1960s England now

referred to as Northern Soul

So we have soulful…..

…..but we also have soulless…..

…..A pal of the G-man’s received a 70th birthday invitation

by email from a little man who goes by the name of John Keet

Said friend decided to attend said birthday celebrations and duly

replied to the e-invitation

SUDDENLY !

An automatic, computer-generated reply came back saying, ‘Sorry, I

invited you in error and you can’t come to my party’

HMMMM !

Of course, if an error really had been made the usual response would

be to immediately send another email explaining the mistake

On the other hand, if the intention was to wound this was not a

bad effort…..

EXCEPT !

The birthday boy hadn’t figured on the withering riposte of our

sprightly heroine…..

…..She shot straight back with the following…..

“I have long since come to the opinion you are a pompous idiot and

this email has just confirmed it. Don’t call me, I’ll call you”

GO GIRL !

Which reminds me of another brilliant northern soul classic…..

‘The Snake’ by Al Wilson, 1969

Moving on from the reptilian septuagenarian to a veritable

youngster

A new micropub has opened in Whitstable, ‘The Handsome Sam’

‘Sam’ is, or rather was, a cat…..

Sadly, now deceased

But his spirit lives on in the drinkerie named after him

And very handsome it is too

So get thee thither and start imbibing…..

…..you know it’s your duty ! ! !

Keep the faith

G.

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The Shake, Rattle and Roll edition

groovers offside

This great Rock and Roll classic was first released by

Big Joe Turner (black boy) in April 1954…..

…..then by Bill Haley & His Comets (white boys) in

June 1954

Big Joe’s is the better version, Bill’s is the more famous

Last night the G-man noticed a worrying addition to the

street furniture of London…..

…..the three-man, shoulder height pissoir

SHAKE ! ! !

The sight of the back of a chap trying to shake out the

last drops of fully processed amber nectar…..

…..is worrying

The sight of the back of a chap trying to squeeze out the

remaining stubborn drops of the ale that cures what ails you…..

…..will probably cause some folk to report the incident

to the police as an act of public indecency ! ! ! ! !

This is not good !

Why ? ? ?

When McDonalds is everywhere and is actually good…

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The Shake, Rattle and Roll edition

This great Rock and Roll classic was first released by

Big Joe Turner (black boy) in April 1954…..

…..then by Bill Haley & His Comets (white boys) in

June 1954

Big Joe’s is the better version, Bill’s is the more famous

Last night the G-man noticed a worrying addition to the

street furniture of London…..

…..the three-man, shoulder height pissoir

SHAKE ! ! !

The sight of the back of a chap trying to shake out the

last drops of fully processed amber nectar…..

…..is worrying

The sight of the back of a chap trying to squeeze out the

remaining stubborn drops of the ale that cures what ails you…..

…..will probably cause some folk to report the incident

to the police as an act of public indecency ! ! ! ! !

This is not good !

Why ? ? ?

When McDonalds is everywhere and is actually good for one

thing at least…..

The khazi ! ! !

So use it !

ROLL ! ! !

Just when I thought it was impossible to find a great burger

joint at a sensible price…..

I am pleased to announce I was wrong

Try ‘Burger and Shake’

http://www.burgerandshake.co.uk

This place truly rocks !

Small in size, short menu (only two desserts) but absolutely

brilliant

The pulled pork sandwich is unbelievably good…..

It’s served in a roll, the pork (Boston butt) is smoked for

sixteen hours in the basement before it ends up in front of

you

It costs £6 !

Which explains why the lunchtime takeout queue stretches for

thirty metres down Marchmont Street

RATTLE ! ! !

As it happened the Polish waiter that served the G-meister was

not a stranger to him

He famously piped up in an art history lecture and asked the

room to desist from asking dumb questions of the professor so

that there was a chance she could finish before we were out of

time

That rattled a few cages ! ! !

The miscreants were silenced

There were a lot of people thinking

‘Yes ! ! !’

‘Get in there ! ! !’

‘Go on, my son ! ! !’

If only he hadn’t spoilt it all by asking a dumb question himself

a mere five minutes later

But it was good while it lasted

So there you have it…..

Don’t piss in the street

Don’t ask unnecessary questions

Do treat yourself to Burger and Shake

G.

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The Recipe for Love edition

groovers offside

The title for this post is borrowed from a great single

from ‘Lack of Afro’ featuring Jack Tyson-Charles…..

“a little twist of woo and a pinch of ooh la la”

‘Youtube it’ ! ! ! ! !

Girls, watch the official video with the cool dude !

Boys, watch the version with Levanna Mclean on a

pier in slinky northern soul girl dancing mode ! ! ! ! !

Hmmmmmmmm………………….

If music be the food of love then the G-man is besotted

Ahhh…..food

Last night the No-2 G-ette and BF treated him to dinner

at La Polenteria in Soho

http://www.lapolenteria.com

Italian-owned, Italian-run and better than a Sunday morning

pre-breakfast special

‘bites’…..bite-sized polenta with toppings (try the mixed mushrooms

dressed with truffle oil)

‘mains’…..try the wild boar stewed in red wine, rosemary, thyme

and cinnamon on a slab of polenta

Please rearrange the following words into the correct order…..

DIED, TO…

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