The Branding edition

groovers offside

We all do it…..

No, not that !

I’m thinking of branding…..

…..and more precisely re-branding

What person arriving at the august portals of his university

at the (just over the spots stage) age of 18 or 19 hasn’t

thought that this is my chance to reinvent myself

Many have tried, most fail

The G-man was amused to see that a pastime that dates

back to 1861 has tried to reinvent itself…..

…..Trainspotters no more…..

…..Railway enthusiasts these days !

Apparently there was also a small group that preferred the tag

‘Imitatores ferrum equi’ ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

This is latin for…..

…..’Followers of the iron horse’

I have only one comment to make…..

There is no doubt whatever that whoever came up with

that one would also have tried to reinvent themselves

on day 1 at uni…………….

…..and would have failed spectacularly to boot !

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The Branding edition

We all do it…..

No, not that !

I’m thinking of branding…..

…..and more precisely re-branding

What person arriving at the august portals of his university

at the (just over the spots stage) age of 18 or 19 hasn’t

thought that this is my chance to reinvent myself

Many have tried, most fail

The G-man was amused to see that a pastime that dates

back to 1861 has tried to reinvent itself…..

…..Trainspotters no more…..

…..Railway enthusiasts these days !

Apparently there was also a small group that preferred the tag

‘Imitatores ferrum equi’ ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

This is latin for…..

…..’Followers of the iron horse’

I have only one comment to make…..

There is no doubt whatever that whoever came up with

that one would also have tried to reinvent themselves

on day 1 at uni…………….

…..and would have failed spectacularly to boot !

In other words…..

…..Once a twat, always a twat !

Anyway, now that I’ve got that off my chest on with the food

Segueing nicely from iron horses to the four-legged variety

The Groover recently ate at a restaurant in the Veneto in Italy

named Paeto…….

or to give it its full name…..

Trattoria “da Paeto”

http://www.paeto.it

This very popular eaterie serves only meat…..

…..and only one kind of meat !

You’ve probably guessed

Horse ! ! ! ! !

Well, this place came with glowing recommendations…..

…..and it was packed to the rafters with noisy, excited Italians

…..and I should know

I was dining with one ! ! ! ! !

So as they say, ‘in for a eurocent, in for a euro’ 

I ordered gnocchi with horse sauce…..

…..followed by the mixed horse platter

I sodding well went for it ! ! ! ! !

The gnocchi was to die for…..

…..basically it was gnocchi covered with a rich, brown sauce

The mixed platter…….a steak, tagliata and something else

No, no, no………………..No !

All I could see in my mind’s eye was…..

Champion the wonder horse

Mr Ed (the talking horse)

Silver (the lone ranger)

Black beauty

If it was wonderful, I wouldn’t know

With a superhuman effort I swallowed the lot and just managed

to keep it down

The G-meister would have made a very poor Frenchman…..

…..but he’s actually rather pleased about that

‘Hi ho, silver !’

G.

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The Hitler edition

groovers offside

We don’t have very much to thank old Adolf for…..

But we do have the German autobahns….

13000 kilometres worth of them !

Not the longest network on the planet (China) but the densest

If only ‘Dolfie’ had spent less time on his failed attempt at world

domination and more time on teaching Germans how to drive !

Just because you go fast doesn’t automatically make you a

Schumacher…..

…..and anyway, Schumacher occasionally bumped into things

Both in and out of a car  ! ! ! ! ! 

The G.-man and his girl (Giulietta) have just whooshed back

through Germany to Blighty

However, our progress was impeded by two major traffic accidents

The Huns have a perfect road etiquette in such situations…..

…..They pull over right and left to leave a clear passageway for

the emergency vehicles to pass through to reach  the victims

Patience is a virtue writ large…

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The Hitler edition

We don’t have very much to thank old Adolf for…..

But we do have the German autobahns….

13000 kilometres worth of them !

Not the longest network on the planet (China) but the densest

If only ‘Dolfie’ had spent less time on his failed attempt at world

domination and more time on teaching Germans how to drive !

Just because you go fast doesn’t automatically make you a

Schumacher…..

…..and anyway, Schumacher occasionally bumped into things

Both in and out of a car  ! ! ! ! ! 

The G.-man and his girl (Giulietta) have just whooshed back

through Germany to Blighty

However, our progress was impeded by two major traffic accidents

The Huns have a perfect road etiquette in such situations…..

…..They pull over right and left to leave a clear passageway for

the emergency vehicles to pass through to reach  the victims

Patience is a virtue writ large in this country

Eventually when a passage has been cleared the cars push on

towards the carnage……………………..

No hurry

No fury

No anger at being delayed…..

……and when they pass the crash site they almost stop…..

…..craning their heads to marvel at the tangled metal

…..twisting around to glimpse a body (or body part)

…..And then they are past and the clear, open road beckons

Zoom

ZOOM

ZOOOOOOOOOM

This is better than christmas…..

Empty autobahn + fast car + an ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude

and these guys are hurtling down the road at 140mph…..

…..before you can say…..

‘Tony Blair is a war criminal’

Insanity

On a lighter moment I pulled off the ‘deathbahn’ for a comfort

break and found myself in some sort of parallel universe

I went into a minimart to buy some water and some fruit to eat

in the car to discover this shop only sold coffee and tobacco

 ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

In industrial quantities ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I have no idea

Spying a German takeaway I sped across the way looking for a

German sausage…..

Bratwurst……the Germans can’t drive but they do a good sausage

I ordered eine Bratwurst and then told the operative I needed the 

facilities…..

It seems that English has cornered the world market in the word 

for the two things we can do with the human penis

Yes, the universal language of ‘fuck’ and piss’

‘I need a piss’ I blurted out

He only understood one word but that was enough !

He directed me back across the road towards the minimarket

There was a glass door with two stand up urinals in plain sight

on the other side…..

…..at waist height was a modesty strip of opaque glass in the door

Not much use if you’re a midget ! ! ! ! !

Back to the takeaway but…………

…..There was a queue six deep !

‘Mayo and ketchup’ I heard someone cry…..

With German efficiency the operative was honouring my order and

trying to dress my bratwurst and chips (which is how it came)

‘Nein danke’ I shouted back

There was a sharp intake of breath from the queue

‘Nein danke’ I repeated in case I was misunderstood

It seems I was the first person in history not to eat a bratwurst and

chips buried under a mountain of condiments and spicy flakes (he

didn’t even ask if you wanted these…..you took the mayo, you got the

spicy flakes)

Personally the Groover doesn’t like chips but……..

……these were the greatest chips in the world…..

…..Golden brown, crispy on the outside, fluffy inside, fresh, delicious

…..the bratwurst wasn’t bad either !

If I had known how to say in German ‘Why don’t you have some

chips with your mayo’ I would have told the lot of them

The venue if you should ever stumble across it……

…..Lindenholzhausen…..

For the greatest chips (fritten) in the world

G.

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The Speed of Light edition

groovers offside

In case you were wondering…..

…..or

…..you have forgotten the stuff any twelve year old schoolboy

could recite instantaneously

…..the answer is

299,792,458 m/s (that the figure under the metric system)

Fast ! …..would do nicely in the G.-book

Anyway, the Groover is still languishing in La Dolce Vita and he

is still in thrall to the mainstays of Italian life, the men and women

The hunters and the prey ! ! ! ! !

There are two areas in which Italian men move fast…..

with the speed of light…..

One is in the pursuit of women

The other is when they get their hands on ANY form of motorised

transportation

No road is too narrow to overtake on…..

No corner is too blind to attempt to pass on…..

No motorway is too icy or too wet to push the pedal to the metal

Why ? ? ? ? ?

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The Speed of Light edition

In case you were wondering…..

…..or

…..you have forgotten the stuff any twelve year old schoolboy

could recite instantaneously

…..the answer is

299,792,458 m/s (that the figure under the metric system)

Fast ! …..would do nicely in the G.-book

Anyway, the Groover is still languishing in La Dolce Vita and he

is still in thrall to the mainstays of Italian life, the men and women

The hunters and the prey ! ! ! ! !

There are two areas in which Italian men move fast…..

with the speed of light…..

One is in the pursuit of women

The other is when they get their hands on ANY form of motorised

transportation

No road is too narrow to overtake on…..

No corner is too blind to attempt to pass on…..

No motorway is too icy or too wet to push the pedal to the metal

Why ? ? ? ? ?

Well, this is the big question

Women ?

Well, I get that one but…..

…..it does raise a few questions when one considers that in many

cases they already have one at home that they are married to !

Motorised vehicles ?

They have truly lost me on this one !

If somebody wants to find out the brake horse power of a 

Ferrari 458 it takes ten seconds to look it up on google (answer 570)

It is not necessary to demonstrate it to the TERROR of other

motorists on a minor road in the country by overtaking ! ! ! ! !

But this is where the red mist descends because that is precisely

what the average Italian male attempts

Perhaps the problem is you can start early in Italy……..

…..You can get a scooter licence at just 14 ! ! ! ! !

…..And of course you can practice your driving skills on anything

Giulietta and the G.-man were overtaken on the way down a

mountain by a tractor  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kid you not !

Said tractor eventually turned off the road we were on and went

round a blind turning without indicating on two wheels !

They say that sometimes you have to see it to believe it…..

…..this was one of those occasions

Bless them…..?

…..or Damn them ?

Well, I wouldn’t bloody insure them !

On a lighter note the Groover went to Verona yesterday and put

Giulietta in an underground car park…..

……as you drive down the lanes you see two rows of red and

green LED lights stretching away from you on both sides…..

…..the red means the space is occupied

…..the green means the space is free

GENIUS !

Gone are the days you drive round a people carrier into the next

space and find yourself about to slam into a Smart car !

Then when you have easily located your parking space and

parked and climbed out there’s soothing incidental music being

played over speakers to complete your ‘parking experience’

Bless them

G.

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The Pen edition

groovers offside

Edward Wheeler’s famous quote is pretty much known

by everyone………………….

‘The pen is mightier than the sword’

However, Lemony Snicket would disagree in the strongest

possible terms; as she counters…………………..

‘Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has

not been stabbed with both’

Snicket 1     Wheeler…

Anyway a new shop has opened in Paradiso and is causing 

a bit of a stir

Montegrappa has opened a very grand shop in Piazza Garibaldi

They are the oldest pen manufacturer in Italy, founded 1912

And still operating from the same factory 800 metres from 

casa Groover

http://www.montegrappa.com

Well if you want to amuse yourself just stand in front of the

shop window for 10 minutes and listen to the gasps from the

Bassanese window shoppers

You see these are no ordinary pens (the G.-man is a proud

owner)

What elicits the gasps is not my relatively modestly…

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