The Truth is Truly Stranger Than Fiction edition

groovers offside

These posts are about fun, food and booze…..

…..and on this occasion, beer

So here goes…..

The venue ? ? ? ? ?

The protagonists ? ? ? ? ?

The Butchers Arms in Herne, Kent

…..and the habitues of ‘The Butchers’

The crowd and…..

…..more particularly…..

Harry and Indy

Harry has a dog called Indy or Indie (it answers to both)

He is also a customer of Britain’s first micro-pub…..

…..The Butchers Arms…..

http://www.microPUB.co.uk

Known to all as ‘Harry the dog’ because the two are never

seen apart

The big question is…..

Who is really in charge with these two ? ? ? ? ?

….. Is it Indy ? ? ? ? ?

….. or is it Harry ? ? ? ?

The $64000 question ? ? ? ? ?

When Harry goes to leave and Indy is not ready…..

Indy digs in…..

…..the pub holds its breath…..

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The Truth is Truly Stranger Than Fiction edition

These posts are about fun, food and booze…..

…..and on this occasion, beer

So here goes…..

The venue ? ? ? ? ?

The protagonists ? ? ? ? ?

The Butchers Arms in Herne, Kent

…..and the habitues of ‘The Butchers’

The crowd and…..

…..more particularly…..

Harry and Indy

Harry has a dog called Indy or Indie (it answers to both)

He is also a customer of Britain’s first micro-pub…..

…..The Butchers Arms…..

http://www.microPUB.co.uk

Known to all as ‘Harry the dog’ because the two are never

seen apart

The big question is…..

Who is really in charge with these two ? ? ? ? ?

….. Is it Indy ? ? ? ? ?

….. or is it Harry ? ? ? ?

The $64000 question ? ? ? ? ?

When Harry goes to leave and Indy is not ready…..

Indy digs in…..

…..the pub holds its breath…..

A classic stand-off

Harry caves in…..

…..A pint of Spratwaffler, Landlord…..

…..courtesy of….

The Time and Tide Brewery in Deal in Kent

They say that once you get a taste for it…..

…..Poor Harry…..

Just a helpless patsy ? ? ? ? ?

Who the hell knows ? ? ? ? ?

But Harry tops up Indy’s doggy bowl with said nectar

and…..

…..Harry and ‘dog companion’ appear to be as happy as…..

…..pigs in poo…..

The only problem the G.-man really has is, is it really fair ? ?

…..to let said mutt drink beyond the accepted doggie limit ?

…..and puke on ‘fellow imbiber’s feet ? ? ? ? ?

It’s not unknown….

…..in fact, it’s happened a few times

‘No’

and ‘No’ again ! ! !

It’s simple…..

…..as much as a fellow imbiber loves his fellow imbiber…..

…..even the four-legged, hairy kind

…..We all draw the line at puke-drenched shoes…..

Harry ! you’re barred

Indy ! you’re welcome

There is, however, another player to add to this mix…..

The fellow imbiber with irresistible testes to said dog

It’s a mystery as to the cosmic attraction between

this customer’s knackers and the dog’s hooter…..

Either way, it would appear to be a marriage made in heaven…..

…..except for said owner of said testes….

Testes ? Tongue ? Slurp !

Well, we can all dream…..

…..Who wouldn’t like to wake up to a…..

…..in bed to…..

…..a cup of coffee ? ? ? ? ?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm………………………………..

Easily pleased, me ?

Of course, I’m the Groover

G.

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The School for Bores edition

groovers offside

One test out of the way…..

…..and one to go

Back to business this morning with the constitutional

pant along the coast towards Reculver Towers

As the G.-man cruised past the National Coastwatch ‘lookout’

…..he spied an old duffer spying on an empty sea…..

What a monumental waste of time that game must be…..

…..there are no Somali pirates in English territorial waters

…..nor will he spot the crew of the ‘Cheeki Rafiki’ bobbing about

…..and this is Hernie…..

…..even the beach-candy is in the Greek Islands or some such

Anyway, fear and trepidation was the in the air ahead of Test 1

Our fiendish lecturer had threatened to be there when we

turned the papers over ‘just to see the looks of horror’ ! ! !

When he duly walked in while we waiting for the gun…..

…..you could have sensed the sphincters flinch ! ! ! ! !

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The School for Bores edition

One test out of the way…..

…..and one to go

Back to business this morning with the constitutional

pant along the coast towards Reculver Towers

As the G.-man cruised past the National Coastwatch ‘lookout’

…..he spied an old duffer spying on an empty sea…..

What a monumental waste of time that game must be…..

…..there are no Somali pirates in English territorial waters

…..nor will he spot the crew of the ‘Cheeki Rafiki’ bobbing about

…..and this is Hernie…..

…..even the beach-candy is in the Greek Islands or some such

Anyway, fear and trepidation was the in the air ahead of Test 1

Our fiendish lecturer had threatened to be there when we

turned the papers over ‘just to see the looks of horror’ ! ! !

When he duly walked in while we waiting for the gun…..

…..you could have sensed the sphincters flinch ! ! ! ! !

Our Russian classmate had had a strategic ‘pony’ before

we went in…..Good thinking…..it must be all that chess !

The moment finally arrived…..

Said fiendish lecturer grinned demonically and…..

The G.-man waited…..

Others whipped their papers over and stared…..

With a zen-like calm the G.-man still waited…..

Nothing

No banshee-like wail from the co-testees

No curious squeak from the G.-moll sitting right behind him

Silence

The fiendish lecturer slipped out of the examination room

So the Groover flipped the paper over and took a butchers

Instead of the feared ‘death by a thousand knives’ there was a

set of questions oozing ‘heroic grandeur, harmony and balance’

Perhaps Shearman himself had set the paper…..

…..or perhaps the soul of Shearman has transmigrated into our

fiendish lecturer

Either way a room full of anxious bottoms breathed a sigh (not a

literal one) of relief

3 hours later and a little well deserved tucker was called for…..

So it was off to Byron in Store Street…..still the best burger under

a tenner in London…..

…..probably the world

The G.-moll went for the child’s menu…..Hmmmmm

The G.-man went for a large ‘Blue Ribbon’…..

…..that’s a Peroni to you ! …..

…..to wash down his straight out-of-the-top-drawer burger

If you are ever in London and you want to eat fast and eat

well……………

Byron’s your boy

Test 2 on the 5th June

Excelsior !

G.

p.s. The School for Bores is a flattering way of referring to the

self-abuse brigade in the national Coastwatch ‘lookout’

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The Rolling Stone edition

groovers offside

The well known proverb runs…..

‘A rolling stone gathers no moss’ and pretty well

incontrovertibly means…..

If you keep moving you don’t pick up commitments…..

But…..

…..alternatively, that an active, exciting life will never

grow stale (the Groover’s preferred definition)

Muddy Waters appropriated the general idea in 1950 for

his song of the same name…..’Rollin’ Stone’…..

…..then proceeded to ‘live the song’ ! ! ! ! !

I suppose if the ducks are quacking then you should feed

them  !

Bless him ! ! ! ! !

In 1962 a group of Englishmen appropriated the title of this

song in order to name their band…..

…..and The Rolling Stones were born

This week a 104 year old man set a new world’s record for

the 100 yard dash for the centenarian class

Oops, sorry the 100 metre sprint

In a new world record of 32.79 seconds ! ! ! !…

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The Rolling Stone edition

The well known proverb runs…..

‘A rolling stone gathers no moss’ and pretty well

incontrovertibly means…..

If you keep moving you don’t pick up commitments…..

But…..

…..alternatively, that an active, exciting life will never

grow stale (the Groover’s preferred definition)

Muddy Waters appropriated the general idea in 1950 for

his song of the same name…..’Rollin’ Stone’…..

…..then proceeded to ‘live the song’ ! ! ! ! !

I suppose if the ducks are quacking then you should feed

them  !

Bless him ! ! ! ! !

In 1962 a group of Englishmen appropriated the title of this

song in order to name their band…..

…..and The Rolling Stones were born

This week a 104 year old man set a new world’s record for

the 100 yard dash for the centenarian class

Oops, sorry the 100 metre sprint

In a new world record of 32.79 seconds ! ! ! ! !

Stan the man is a Polish legend and attributes his good

health and long life to not overeating

If only it was that simple…..

…..but perhaps it is…..

He claims that he could have clipped a few more tenths

of a second off the record if he had had a better start !

Personally the G.-man was impressed by the way he dipped

for the tape as he crossed the line

Stan looks like he is in his 60s or 70s…..

…..it is truly remarkable…..

…..now they say you are only as old as the woman you feel…..

BINGO !

That’s it !

Mystery solved !

Stan has a steady stream of girlfriends 30 to 40 years younger

than him…..

…..reason being he moves faster than them so they can’t get

away

I hear the only problem is that while Usain Bolt is unlikely to

lose a night’s sleep over a potential threat to his crown by bad-

boy Stan…..

…..his girlfriends do suffer the inconvenience of losing a night’s

sleep…..

…..because at 104 years young there is no such thing as a

‘quickie’ anymore !

Stanislaw Kowalski, we salute you ! ! ! ! !

While you’re still socking it to them…..

…..the rest of us would be happy to be breathing

Moral of the story then…..

…..it’s not what you eat…..

…..it’s how much you eat

Try telling that to an American ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

G.

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The Stick With Winning Formulas edition

groovers offside

Alternate title: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it edition

Written from purdah but the G.-man quite likes it there…..

Once a year a pal of the Groover’s keeps alive a centuries

old tradition in his home town in north Italy…..

At 7am he fires up the bakehouse that stands in its own plot

facing his old farmhouse…..

…..meanwhile a small army of women start mixing dough and

kneading it by hand into loaf and cake-sized lots

By about 11am the giant oven is at the right temperature for

the bread…..

…..the dough is carried out on boards the size of doors by the

men and then placed in the oven with an enormous wooden ‘paddle’

When the bread is ready the process operates in reverse and when

the oven is cool enough the team do everything again with the

Easter cake called focaccia…..

…..while the cake cooks everyone steams into…

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