Alternate title: The Save-a-Fox-a-Day edition
The G.-man heard on the grapevine that some fish
might be up for grabs…..
…..Now the herons have been dining like kings on my
fish since I moved into chez Groover
I started with 30 and now have about a dozen
Anyway I heard there were some fish going spare
So this evening I went round to check out the story
Sure enough my neighbour was ‘thinning’ out his pond
His pond which was technically a lake was heaving with
‘How come the herons haven’t been at them ?’ I asked
‘You ever seen a heron with six foot long legs ? he replied
Then it was obvious, herons hunt by standing in the water
…..and the pond was about seven feet deep !
‘Good point’, I noted
‘Anyway’, he went on, ‘I have a problem pulling these
monsters out of the water’……
‘and I’m a lot bigger and uglier than a heron !’
I looked down from the rim into the three quarter-drained
pond and saw what he meant…..
…..I wouldn’t fancy my chances if I fell into that lot ! ! ! ! !
Some of them were nearly three feet long !
Apparently Koi carp never stop growing…..I can believe it
‘Can I take the littluns ? I enquired
‘Done’, came the reply, ‘I was only going to give them to
the rat-catcher to feed to the foxes’
‘Nice’, I said, ‘It’s good to see folk caring for the wildlife’
‘It’s not quite like that’ came the reply, ‘You see the fish
will be bait. When a hungry pack of foxes get started on their
fish supper the old rat-catcher lets ’em have it with a six-bore’
It didn’t seem very sporting and anyway the G.-moll has a soft
spot for Basil Brush and his ilk
‘I’ll take all the fish you don’t want’ I rasped
‘Good, how are you going to get them home ?’ he wondered
I could see the problem instantly
‘By the way’, he added, ‘They will jump out if you don’t stop
This wasn’t going to be easy
There was a lot of chin rubbing
All to no avail
The best suggestion was a builders plastic rubble carrier
No good, filled with water it would be too heavy for two men
More chin rubbing
LIGHT BULB MOMENT !
I’ll bring down a wheely-bin, half fill it with water…..
…..then top it up with Koi carp
…..and push it home !
‘Ahhhh’, growled my neighbour, ‘That’s why you live in the
big house and I live in a bungalow’
Koi carp 1 / Foxes 0
Groover 1 / Rat-catcher 0
I know it’s not Friday but it put me in the mood for…..
…..Great British fish and chips…..
…..Only nowadays it’s served up by a bevy of Turks all
trying to fake cockney accents
Anyway, I don’t expect a reward in heaven for this good
…..I might get a G&T and a neck rub from the G.-moll
…..easily pleased here !