The Koi edition

Alternate title: The Save-a-Fox-a-Day edition

The G.-man heard on the grapevine that some fish

might be up for grabs…..

…..Now the herons have been dining like kings on my

fish since I moved into chez Groover

I started with 30 and now have about a dozen

Anyway I heard there were some fish going spare

So this evening I went round to check out the story

Sure enough my neighbour was ‘thinning’ out his pond

His pond which was technically a lake was heaving with


‘How come the herons haven’t been at them ?’ I asked

mildly curious

‘You ever seen a heron with six foot long legs ? he replied

Then it was obvious, herons hunt by standing in the water

…..and the pond was about seven feet deep !

‘Good point’, I noted

‘Anyway’, he went on, ‘I have a problem pulling these

monsters out of the water’……

‘and I’m a lot bigger and uglier than a heron !’

I looked down from the rim into the three quarter-drained

pond and saw what he meant…..

…..I wouldn’t fancy my chances if I fell into that lot ! ! ! ! !

Some of them were nearly three feet long !

Apparently Koi carp never stop growing…..I can believe it

‘Can I take the littluns ? I enquired

‘Done’, came the reply, ‘I was only going to give them to

the rat-catcher to feed to the foxes’

‘Nice’, I said, ‘It’s good to see folk caring for the wildlife’

‘It’s not quite like that’ came the reply, ‘You see the fish

will be bait. When a hungry pack of foxes get started on their

fish supper the old rat-catcher lets ’em have it with a six-bore’

It didn’t seem very sporting and anyway the G.-moll has a soft

spot for Basil Brush and his ilk

‘I’ll take all the fish you don’t want’ I rasped

‘Good, how are you going to get them home ?’ he wondered

I could see the problem instantly

‘By the way’, he added, ‘They will jump out if you don’t stop


This wasn’t going to be easy

There was a lot of chin rubbing

All to no avail

The best suggestion was a builders plastic rubble carrier

No good, filled with water it would be too heavy for two men

to carry

More chin rubbing

Then suddenly………………………..


I’ll bring down a wheely-bin, half fill it with water…..

…..then top it up with Koi carp

…..and push it home !


‘Ahhhh’, growled my neighbour, ‘That’s why you live in the

big house and I live in a bungalow’


Job done

Koi carp 1   /   Foxes 0

Groover 1   /   Rat-catcher 0

I know it’s not Friday but it put me in the mood for…..

…..Great British fish and chips…..

…..Only nowadays it’s served up by a bevy of Turks all

trying to fake cockney accents


Anyway, I don’t expect a reward in heaven for this good

turn but………………………

…..I might get a G&T and a neck rub from the G.-moll

…..easily pleased here !



3 thoughts on “The Koi edition

  1. sexy says:

    hahahahahahahahaha sexy you are not my man. with a black old lady on your arm hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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