The Dystopia Revealed edition

We all know ‘utopia’ is a pipe dream…..

…..and by the same token we were all pretty sure that

its reverse, ‘dystopia’, is an Orwellian nightmare



Two very simple examples will illustrate this…..

Firstly, the G.-man’s moll had a leak yesterday…..

Well, several actually but it was the one that left a brown

water mark on the kitchen ceiling that alarmed her…..

…..her shower is directly above !

So it was straight onto ‘First Direct’, her insurers, this morning

Her policy has a ‘Home Emergency Cover’ section……covers

plumbing, drains and electrical etc up to £500

Nice !

The First Direct operative was friendly and reassuring…..

… first !

Yes, you are covered, he exclaimed

The G.-moll breathed a sigh of relief

Do you have another bathroom in the house ? he enquired

Yes, she replied


Then I am sorry to tell you that you are not covered, he revealed

WHAT ? ? ? ? ?

The G.-moll was reaching for her six-shooter

I’m sorry, he blithely continued, but if you have another

bathroom you can use then it’s not an emergency

It’s all there in the small print, he continued, didn’t you

read it ?

The G.-moll cocked her six-shooter…..

Basically, this policy is not worth the paper it’s written on

So with a fuming G.-moll I made my way to the train station

Arriving at 9.05am the Groover was not a little surprised to

find the ticket office closed…..

It was the bloody rush-hour ! ! ! ! !

Fuming, I escorted the agitated G.-moll to platform 3 to

see her off…..

…..then went back to try and buy a ticket from the ticket


LO and BLOODY behold………..

…..there was the ticket operative standing round the back

…..having a BLOODY FAG ! ! ! ! !

It was the rush hour and this half-wit was busy killing herself

like a naughty school girl behind the bike sheds

Would she do that if it was her business ?

Would she close her coffee shop to have a fag ?

NO and NO again

Welcome to modern Britain…..

…..where you don’t have to speak English to make out

like a banshee

…..where nothing is what it seems

…..and where pride in your job ends when the boss is

out of sight

Anyway, it’s not all gloom and doom……

If you find yourself in Covent Garden try the new Swedish coffee

shop and an original cinnamon bun…….


It doesn’t get any better than this…..

…..and you can practice your Swedish on the lady operative




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