We all know ‘utopia’ is a pipe dream…..
…..and by the same token we were all pretty sure that
its reverse, ‘dystopia’, is an Orwellian nightmare
and WRONG AGAIN
Two very simple examples will illustrate this…..
Firstly, the G.-man’s moll had a leak yesterday…..
Well, several actually but it was the one that left a brown
water mark on the kitchen ceiling that alarmed her…..
…..her shower is directly above !
So it was straight onto ‘First Direct’, her insurers, this morning
Her policy has a ‘Home Emergency Cover’ section……covers
plumbing, drains and electrical etc up to £500
The First Direct operative was friendly and reassuring…..
…..at first !
Yes, you are covered, he exclaimed
The G.-moll breathed a sigh of relief
Do you have another bathroom in the house ? he enquired
Yes, she replied
Then I am sorry to tell you that you are not covered, he revealed
WHAT ? ? ? ? ?
The G.-moll was reaching for her six-shooter
I’m sorry, he blithely continued, but if you have another
bathroom you can use then it’s not an emergency
It’s all there in the small print, he continued, didn’t you
read it ?
The G.-moll cocked her six-shooter…..
Basically, this policy is not worth the paper it’s written on
So with a fuming G.-moll I made my way to the train station
Arriving at 9.05am the Groover was not a little surprised to
find the ticket office closed…..
It was the bloody rush-hour ! ! ! ! !
Fuming, I escorted the agitated G.-moll to platform 3 to
see her off…..
…..then went back to try and buy a ticket from the ticket
LO and BLOODY behold………..
…..there was the ticket operative standing round the back
…..having a BLOODY FAG ! ! ! ! !
It was the rush hour and this half-wit was busy killing herself
like a naughty school girl behind the bike sheds
Would she do that if it was her business ?
Would she close her coffee shop to have a fag ?
NO and NO again
Welcome to modern Britain…..
…..where you don’t have to speak English to make out
like a banshee
…..where nothing is what it seems
…..and where pride in your job ends when the boss is
out of sight
Anyway, it’s not all gloom and doom……
If you find yourself in Covent Garden try the new Swedish coffee
shop and an original cinnamon bun…….
It doesn’t get any better than this…..
…..and you can practice your Swedish on the lady operative