The Bed Etiquette edition

If you were to be a little nonplussed by the title of

this post the Groover wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised…..

Don’t be alarmed, it might not be about sex………

Then again, it might be……

…..The G.-man didn’t get arrested for nothing in 1997 ! ! !

However, rest assured that the basic themes of these

posts will be carefully observed………

…..that is, food and drink…..

…..but since food and drink fuel love I might just

throw in a little ‘how’s your father’ anyway ! ! !

Firstly, eating crisps in bed is a No No

So is eating biscuits !

Why ?

The answer is obvious to anyone who takes to their 

sleeping quarters in their birthday suits……..

……as is the G.-man’s usual M.O.

Rolling over on biscuit crumbs and crisp scraps is not

COOL !

This gives the lie to the expression ‘You wouldn’t kick 

her out of bed for eating crackers’

You would…..

…..end of

Closely related to this idea of a certain level of attractiveness

according a degree of flexibility regarding minor transgressions

is the cousin to the expression regarding crackers……

Namely, ‘I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for farting’

Of course, you wouldn’t if her farts were odourless…

…but since not even the Queen could claim that one…

…OUT she will jolly well go !

Back to food and wine………………

Eating and drinking is permissible in bed……

…..it’s just only certain types of food and drink

Let’s begin with the sublime………

Red wine and soft Italian cheese eaten as a late supper 

while watching an arthouse DVD is the quintessential 

decadent night in………

…….Naked, of course ! ! ! ! !

At the other end of the scale is drinking tea (or coffee) in bed

This is certainly prosaic but there is no better way to start the 

day………

…..Spillages are annoying but don’t qualify for ‘bed ejection’

…..unless you’re O.C.D……

…..which rules the Groover out because he suffers from the

distantly related condition C.O.C.D. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Now it’s time to cut to the chase…..

Good bed etiquette simply involves the avoidance of 

the second shortest word in the English language….

Can it really be that simple ?, I hear you gasp 

Well, actually it is

You see, crackers are merely messing around on the periphery

The essence of good bed etiquette is just……

….illness notwithstanding

….a state of compos mentis assumed

….Just….

….Never to say No

Q.E.D.

G.

ps, that bit about being arrested was pure poetic license

 

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