The Violated edition

It wasn’t me that was violated

Technically the G.-man is still untrammelled

But casa Groover got a right good seeing to

How many windows did they need to break ?

How many door handles did they have to rip off ?

How many doors did they have to kick off their hinges ?

The answers are 3, 2 and 1

Not a good start to the day

Not a good start to any day, come to think of it !

But in actual fact it got worse ! ! !

Because when you have been violated you look for a little…..





Suddenly you are a potential insurance fraudster !

The insurance company (Allianz) in this case is quick to

relieve you of the premium

But when you ask for the goods for which you paid they want

to deny all knowledge / accountability………………………………..

….the first stand they take is the long list of prerecorded messages

….the second are the standard declarations of recording for training


….the third and the killer blow is the standard…..

‘due to high levels of calls you are placed in a queue’

‘please hold on for an indefinite period because your call

is important to us’


Then when you finally get through they feign competence while

delivering a service a third world country would be ashamed of !

The G.-meister discovered the failed house invasion at 11am…..

… 9.30pm the house had been boarded up……….


Only ten and a half hours to secure the house

Good job I wasn’t in a hurry

Credit where credit is due…….

The police were brilliant…..

…..The forensic team were very professional

The insurance company ?


Frankly, why do we bother

Time to go self-insured…….

If it’s good enough for the government it should be good enough

for us !

Seriously though, what we need are insurance cooperatives…..

… all own the insurance body so you are essentially paying

premiums to yourself

Com’on, you know it makes sense ! ! ! ! !

Anyway, hats off to my neighbour…..

…..who was having a crafty fag in the garden when he heard

a loud bang come from my house

So, excited at some unknown prospect he raced back into his 

gaffe, grabbed a torch and then strafed the G.-man’s garden 

and casa thus alarming said light-fingered Kentish heathenites

…..causing them to flee empty-handed

So I became the unhappy recipient of a…..

‘failed burglary’ attempt police report…..

…..and a suspect in an insurance fraud !

Bless them all

The failed attempt occurred on Christmas eve

The G.-man was busy celebrating midnight mass at the

Brompton Oratory…..

I would have quite liked to have been at home so that I

could have introduced said felons to my baseball bat





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