The Run Eddie Run edition

I had to go to the Tottenham Court Road this morning to pay

a cheque into Metro Bank

Annoyingly, some people still write cheques (solicitors

in this case)

There was one teller operating and I became third man

in the queue

As I waited (not very patiently) I looked round and to my

amazement I counted nine bank operatives sat behind desks

admiring the queue…..

…..which had now grown to five

No one moved…

There must be a special ‘retail banking gene’ that makes

the owner ultra comfortable watching people wait when

you could help

When my turn eventually came the breezy teller asked how

I was, about the weather, the tennis……

Holy cow !

I really like this bank but bank operatives are an unusual breed

A little later Bloomsbury Farmers’ market hove into view…….

Hungry and eager to try a Woodwards Farm (since 1917) cheeseburger

I joined another queue !

It was worth it

Even if I had to strong arm them into serving it medium rare (I showed

the chef my student card and swore I wasn’t studying the dark art of food inpector-ing)

Bloody marvellous

Just like a BBQ without the barbecue small talk

Anyway, back to our hero

Ed is still in a transit area at Moscow airport

The Evil Empire annulled his passport so he can’t go anywhere

Technically not even back to USA when you think about it !

So looking a little like Tom Hanks in the 2004 film ‘The Terminal’ Ed has a few

choices to decide between…

1. Hand himself over to the Evil Empire (two hopes and Bob is one of them)

2. Live in the terminal for the rest of his natural life (unlikely)

3. Put in for a Russian passport that Putin will fast track and then……

4. Stay in Russia, marry an Olgar and raise a brood of russo-americanos (maybe)

5. Use said passport to emigrate to Ecuador for a new life as a living hero (likely)

God’s speed, Eddie





The Best Job In The World edition

And just for contrast the worst job in the world…

So I’m going to tease you a little by giving you the worst first

Giulietta and the Groover have just been on a mini West Country tour

On the way back, zooming along the dual-carriageway (A303) just

past Stonehenge (circa  3000 BC )

You never stop learning do you ? ! ?

I spied him…………

Standing in the grass on the inside verge was a man wearing a


Standing with his back to the passing traffic…

The advertising shouting at me…

‘The George Inn

Next Left


All he ever sees is the back of the motorists’ heads…..

…..through the rear windows…..

…..and the backs of the cars as they go by

…..and he has the unrelenting roar of the traffic for company

I’m sure The George’ (google Thruxton Village / The George Inn) is a

fine establishment…..

…..but they score a BIG FAT ZERO for how they treat their staff

Now for the best job in the world…….

This is not a job about making lots of money…

This is a job about making the world a better place…

This is a job that involves great personal risks…

This is a job with a conscience…


Step forward Edward Snowden



Ed took his concerns about the US internet surveillance programme to his

superiors but was knocked back

So Ed decided to tell the world what the US was up to…….

…..effectively accessing every email anybody sends (with the help of their good

friends in the UK…..GCHQ)………..

That will include this one TOO !!!!!!!!

The US is pulling out all the stops…….(complete with direct and oblique threats)

……piling the pressure on nation states to hand over the ‘bad guy / traitor / espionage


But this is the wrong way round………

Anybody that has all my emails without my knowledge…….

… IS A BAD GUY !!!

I know of a very smart luxury apartment just off Eaton Square that would be delighted

to shelter Ed for £2500 a month…….(cool roof garden too)

…..unfortunately the co-conspirators in Downing Street will probably hand him over to

the real bad guys

So let’s wish Ed well………..

RUN, EDDIE, RUN !!!!!!!!!!!

I hear the girls are great in Ecuador

RUN, EDDIE, RUN !!!!!!!!!!!

I hear the weather is great in Venezuela

RUN, EDDIE, RUN !!!!!!!!!!


ps All enquiries about that lux pad on an e-card to me, please


A Night Out With My Mates edition

London just keeps getting better…..

…..and when you think it can’t get any better than it is

… does

In the unlikely corner of a modern building in Victoria…..

Tozi has opened

Italiano ?

Si !

Bellissimo ?

Si !

TOZI rocks

Italian tapas

Sorry, wrong word……….

Cicchetti is the correct Italian expression

It’s only been open for ‘One month and two weeks’

Six weeks to you and me

But this spot delivers………

…..just what it says on the tin

Great Food

Great Drinks

Great Atmosphere

Authentic staff (they’re Italian)

And enthusiasm

Just go and try it…….you won’t be disappointed

…..and Tozi ?

…..the name ?

This is Italian dialect for ‘mates’

Strictly speaking, the dialect from the Veneto that includes Venice

So try it for yourself……………..

‘Hello, where are you?’

in Italian………

‘Ciao, dove’ tu ?’


‘Having a beer with my mates’

in Italian………

‘Bevo una birra con i mei tozi’

See, it’s as easy as that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You’re practically Italian

Oh well, each to his own, it may not be your cup of tea…..

…..your cup of caffe ?


Worth a whirl………

So let’s try it the other way for fun…..


‘Having a beer with my mates’

‘I’m not leaving till they close’

‘We’re going back to Mick’s to watch a porno’

‘Probably pass out and stop at his’

‘Hope I don’t puke again, it annoys his Mam’

Similar ???


But is the Italian equivalent really any better ?

Well, in my book there is no contest…..

The Italian way…..

Go to a bar…

Meet your mates…

Try to meet girls….


…if fortune smiles on you…

The average Italian can promise her the comfort of a Fiat Punto


Look, life is not like the movies…

…beggars can’t be choosers…

…and a Fiat Punto is one-up from a corn field !!!

I think I just let on a little too much about my adolescence then !

Either way, the Italians win by a length

Ciao ciao, Tozi



A Little Of What You Fancy edition

Dads Day !

My eyes sprung open in eager anticipation

Mrs G. slept on

That ruled out one possibility

So I leapt out of bed and charged the tea caddy

Kettle boiled, cup filled……………

Fridge, milk bottle……….

Stop !

The plastic 1 litre bottle of milk was now just a…

1 litre plastic bottle

What behoves the G-ettes to put an empty bottle back in the fridge

There was no other and the shops were shut

Groover 0, Life 1

The English don’t drink tea without milk

The No. 2 G-ette eventually surfaced and promptly left

for Wimbledon where she is being prepared for…..

…ball-boy (girl) dom for this year’s championship

No Dads Day greeting, no card, no nothing

Groover 0, Life 2

Mrs G. swept by with a quick ‘I’ll be back around 6pm’…

…and with the bang of the door she was gone

Groover 0, Life 3

It wasn’t looking good

I was beginning to think it was personal



The No. 3 G-ette appeared with a card and a package

Groover 1, Life 3

Com’on Dad, we’re going out for a ‘flingo’, she purred

Groover 2, Life 3

Fifteen minutes later we were pushing open the doors of…

The Tea House Theatre    (

This is one of London’s gems…..

…with a capital G.

It opened a couple of years ago in what was once…

The Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens (1785-1859)

A pub opened on the defunct site in 1886 which became

a strip joint in the 1990s……

and when men finally got bored with looking at naked women

it reopened as the most original tea shop in London

Two ‘flingos’, please and a pot of…..

‘Tie Guan Yin Ooloong Top Fancy’

Tea to you and me !

They bake everything on the premises

They blend their own teas

They claim to serve the best ‘flingo’ (full english brekkers)

…in London

Read the World

I wouldn’t argue with that claim

It’s expensive but worth every life-shortening mouth-full

Finally, meal over, the No. 3 G-ette asked for and paid the bill

Groover 3, Life 3


Somebody loves him !

Moral Victory !

Then back across the old pleasure gardens which curiously

are still the pleasure gardens for the habitues of the Vauxhall


who overcome with passion sometimes can’t wait to get home

A little of what they fancy…..

I think I’ll stick to the top fancy tea



The Personal Service edition

Intrigued ?

You should be  !

You will be disappointed though as this tale is not

what it seems…

On wednesday I trucked down to Herne Bay to catch

the east coast flyer to Victoria…..

Delayed !

Surprised ?

I wasn’t, this is merry England

Eventually delayed expanded into cancelled

Plus ca change

Finally the next flyer was scheduled to stop and whisk us off

to Londinium

We made our way to the platform and waited with sheep-like


The only way we know how

The train was nearly due but prior to it’s arrival one of

South Eastern’s operatives appeared on the platform

There were about 50 or so of us train-age travellers


One by one…

The operative made his way along the platform speaking to

everyone in turn

Before he got to me I could hear him explaining to others that

the train had just left Birchington-on-Sea and might be a minute

or two late

It’s a 90 minute hop to Londinium so no problem

I noticed I was stood beneath a speaker for the tannoy system

so when he got to me I asked

Tannoy busted ?

No, Sir, people prefer to hear things from people than

squark boxes…so I’m informing everyone

Is this England ?

Were my ears deceiving me ?

A few awkward customers demanded to know where the other

train went


I just marvelled at the fact that this chap had left the sanctuary of his

ticket office….

…..and was delivering a personal message to everyone on platform 1

You could have knocked me down with a feather….

I wanted to tip him…

or kiss him…

or something !

Then the penny dropped…

He wasn’t English…

You know…

a native

He was a marvellous foreigner who hadn’t yet learnt

our sorry ways

We need more like him

Couldn’t we organise an exchange ???

We’ll take two Romanians or similar…..

for every one of our benefit-hungry, claim-happy,

work-shy Brits they take in return

Deal ?

Didn’t think so

So unlike other ‘personal service’ excursions…..

…this one has no happy ending !!!


Exams over and ready to get my groove back on !